Hospitality and My Experience with Bulimia
This week 1-7 March is Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and this year the focus is on creating a future where people experiencing binge eating disorder are met with understanding and compassion. Eating disorders are complex and there is a lot of stigma associated with them, so many people experiencing eating disorders suffer alone and don’t reach out for help.
At Kelly’s Cause we are determined to open up the conversation to empower others to speak out, to seek support and to feel less alone. Here is a story of from one of our Mental Health First Aiders and their experience with bulimia.
“It fills me with embarrassment, shame, guilt, fear, self-hatred, but also relief and a sense of freedom to be writing this. This plethora of feelings are often linked with bulimia along with a whole host more that are experienced throughout a binging episode. I’ve really got into calling them episodes, as it seems like a sort of disguise for the actual act of binging and purging.
I had my first episode at 13 after discovering I could eat a KFC burger and not have to ‘suffer’ weight gain as a result. My self-esteem was at an all time low after losing my virginity very uncomfortably to a ‘bad boy’ from school who was 3 years above me and who I thought I was madly in love with. When I discovered he was sleeping with 5 other girls at the same time he stopped speaking to me as if I had done something to offend him. I felt robbed, not of my virginity, but my confidence and my understanding of relationships. Anyway, this is not to say that this is the root cause of my bulimia but it will have played a part as I strived to be the skinniest I could be to attract the next boy in my life (who turned out to be a manipulative player as well and tore apart my friendship group by seeing 3 of us at the same time).
For all of my teens I was convinced I was being sick as a diet and that when I was older I would be more comfortable in my body and no longer need to ‘diet’ in this way. I’m now 30 and still on my bulimic journey. Each birthday I’ve marked with the promise to myself that I will no longer be sick that year. I also mark each new year, each new month, and any other landmark occasion with this same promise to myself. I’m not writing this to reveal all my failed attempts at stopping without any professional help, but to explore how hospitality has helped me a little along the way!
It was only in my later teens and when I went to university that I recognised I was using bulimia as a coping mechanism when stressful or upsetting situations occurred, mainly to do with academic stress and relationship breakdowns. After graduating I started my first job as a waitress at an independent chicken restaurant that was trying to be a more upscale Nando’s. I experienced weeks of going to work and being so busy and distracted that I had no time to think about the food I was going to eat, despite being surrounded by it, I was totally caught up in the steps of service and working as part of this wonderful team of energised artists, actors, writers, and entrepreneurs. At least that was the act we were all putting on front of house! I looked forward to putting my chicken t-shirt and jeans on and stepping through the restaurant doors and being part of this unpredictable family. We ate lunch on our breaks together and stayed after work for drinks to celebrate getting through the shift. I felt looked after and like I belonged. As time went on I became very comfortable in the role and knew what I could and couldn’t get away with. I could turn up on half an hours sleep after being out all night and make it through a 12 hour shift only spilling one drink on a table. I couldn’t find the time to be bulimic, and nor did I want to - I had shit to get done, tables to be served, plates to be cleared and the support of my team behind me.
I thought this experience was unique, but as I went on to work in other restaurants, I noticed a pattern, and that hospitality had something truly amazing to offer. It was a space where I could turn up with what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders and within an hour I was flying. Suddenly the most important thing was making sure I sent that ticket to the kitchen with the correct modifications that weren’t gonna piss of the chef on the pass, but would please that overly emphatic man who wants his burger ‘well done, but really well done, not your fancy well done’.
Was it the routine? Distraction? Seeing food as something to be shared, appreciated, enjoyed amongst friends? Or feeling like I belonged somewhere? Like I was needed otherwise that couple doused in designer gear sat up at the bar drinking champagne might not get the experience they so desired?
I still don’t know. And I’m not about to start recommending hospitality as a cure for bulimia. But I want to celebrate the relief it gave me, the sense of comradeship and the pure thrill of making it through some pretty tough shifts! I was fortunate to work in restaurants that did consider the well-being of their staff. We had sufficient breaks with colleagues, we weren’t allowed to work over a certain number of hours a week, we had clear points of call if we needed any support, and we all mucked in where necessary. There are still a lot of places out there that operate very differently and could really benefit from training in Mental Health First Aid skills to support their staff and ensure that working in hospitality can be a mentally healthy place that nurtures its employees, just like I felt nurtured.”
