How to live a balanced life in hospitality
This is a guest piece written by Leo Niehorster. Leo (they/them) enjoys East and South East Asian cuisines and they love to eat at small, independent places!
They share some of the methods they’re using to try to live the life they want while working in hospitality. They believe the industry can be a place for all when we are empowered to show up as ourselves and find alternative ways to negotiate the demands of kitchen life.
Remember you’re not the problem
When you’re surrounded by a specific culture and you're the only one who seems to be struggling, it can feel like you’re the problem. Remember that because of the facade of toughness that the patriarchy bestowed on us, many people may be struggling but won't show it. Because of the culture of individuality perpetuated by capitalism, the responsibility to heal ourselves so that we can work more is always put on the workers (think about the emphasis on self care instead of structural changes). Chef culture and capitalism are accepted in our society and most people don't question it or think there are other options. While I don't have a silver bullet for huge systemic social issues, it can help to remember this isn't your fault or your responsibility.
Do it your way
You don't have to work full time in a restaurant to be a “real” chef. I have balanced working as a chef part time with another job which was less physically demanding, such as working in an office or food delivery. I’ve also worked as a chef seasonally and committed to working full time for a couple of months, earning loads of money while having my accommodation and food provided, then being able to rest after.
Fine dining is an intense lifestyle and while it can be a really fun few months and great experience, it can also be really hard. In my experience, the more awards a restaurant has, the stronger the toxic masculinity fuelled culture. There are now many small, independent, casual restaurants which have very high quality, creative food and work closely with local suppliers which offer a great alternative to working in fine dining. Another good option is working as a chef in a more independent, self motivated way. This can include things like being a retreat chef, private chef, food stall cheffing or running supper clubs. These require a lot of entrepreneurial spirit, multiple income streams and you'll need to do a lot of marketing in order to find clients. There is a privilege in taking on this labour. I’m able to do it in part because I’m educated, middle class, have other employment options, live in a city that is cheap to rent and have my parents to fall back on. It is still possible without these things but my privilege makes it so much easier - I'm not going to pretend it's an easy option for everyone.
Keep perspective
When we spend a lot of time in a place where what we're doing feels really important, it can be easy to lose perspective. Work mistakes can feel huge and while there are real world consequences to these mistakes, they are usually not real once we leave work. Remember to experience the real things - do your best to make time for the real world things you value. Spending time in nature, being around friends and family and small sensory things like nice baths or swims in cold water can be a good place to start.
Have a goal
Why are you working in a restaurant? Where do you want it to take you? Do you want to work your way up to head chef? If so, can you start your manifesto for how you're going to run your kitchen,start finding the people you'd want to hire and plan the dishes you're going to serve when you make it? Do you just want to get experience and move on to the next thing? Keep reminding yourself of why you're doing this and try not to get sucked into the all consuming culture. I have worked in quite a few small kitchens with small teams that didn't have a huge amount of infrastructure; I’d love to work in a restaurant with a big team that has lots of structure so I can experience a different way of working. Like many chefs I know you may want to learn what you need to and start your own food place.
(Personal question: are there any other queer chefs reading this who want to start a restaurant together and prove that we can make creative, high quality food while being kind, gentle and compassionate towards each other? I would love to hear from you.)
Find community
It can be isolating and lonely to feel like you’re the only one at work who thinks like you do. It can feel like you need to change to fit in - that there's something wrong with you. I can promise you're not the only one in the world or the only one working in kitchens that feels the way you do. Find others in the industry who share your values and approach to work,where you can rant, commiserate and support each other. Online friends are great for this or you may even find others in your city - it's about putting yourself out there. You can reach out to me on Instagram @queer.flavours or if you're in London, join East London Hospitality Network (@elhospitalitynetwork) for in person meetings. Do you have tips and tricks that keep you afloat? Places you go to for community? I’d love to hear from you and meet other marginalised chefs who don’t accept this culture! I encourage you to reach out to me or the team at Kellys Cause who can provide support and signpost you to different resources/humans who get the deal.
Read Leo’s article ‘Tough Kitchens’ and How to Challenge Them here.